26 November 2021:
I feel guilty that I’m not treating INTPatois in a loving way and not making him feel safe enough with me to be vulnerable with me.
- Expectation: I will always treat loved ones in a loving way, no matter what or when, and will always make them feel safe with me. And he’ll always feel loved and safe with me and he’ll always be vulnerable with me and always feel comfortable doing so.
- Realistic expectation (for others): I’m going to try to do my best to be loving and to create a sense of safety but also know that I will not always be emotionally available or equipped to do so and I’m not going to be perfect but it’s okay to not be perfect. He isn’t always going to be comfortable being vulnerable with me every second of every day and that’s okay and we’ll work through it together a step at a time.
- Innocence: I felt hurt by him sharing that he’s ashamed of me, which triggered my insecurities.
- Strategy: Acceptance, Acknowledging the triggers, Being kind to myself, Accountability, Talking things through calmly with INTPatois and Listening to him
29 May 2022:
I feel guilty for ignoring INTPatois, not communicating with him, and cutting off modes of communication with him (i.e. withdrawing from him). I feel guilty for feeling rejected when he’s not spending time with me.
- Expectation: There will always be smooth communication between us and we’ll always spend every moment together.
- Realistic expectation (for others): I’m going to try to communicate my inner turmoil and other difficult things with him when I’m comfortable to do so and when I’ve found the words to express myself. I could discuss this with him so that there’s an understanding between us that I may need time on my own sometimes to sort my emotions and inner turmoil out. It’s okay for us to spend some time apart from time to time. It’s okay for him to have his own time to himself sometimes too. It’s okay for us to spend some time on our own once in a while.
- Innocence: I was hot and bothered and tired and restless and didn’t have the energy to regulate my emotions well.
- Strategy: Acceptance, Acknowledging the root cause, Being kind to myself, Accountability, Talking things through calmly with INTPatois and Listening to him
30 May 2022:
I feel ashamed for not keeping up with shaving my body.
- Expectation: I will always have smooth and hairless skin.
- Realistic expectation (for others): It’s okay to let my body hair grow. It’s normal to have body hair.
- Innocence: It’s a lot of work and maintenance, and I’m busy and it isn’t my priority.
- Strategy: Acceptance, Being kind to myself
7 October 2022:
I feel guilty when INTPatois doesn’t get back to my texts immediately and I make inferences that he doesn’t care about me or that I’m not important to him.
- Expectation: He will always respond to my texts immediately and always pick up my phone calls.
- Realistic expectation (for others): He may be busy or sleeping or tired sometimes, or he may just forget the time sometimes or just not hear or realise that I’ve texted or called him.
- Innocence: It’s these times when my insecurity and irrationality getting the better of me.
- Strategy: Acknowledging that my inferences aren’t always right, Reminding myself not to jump to conclusions, Being open with INTPatois and letting him know calmly how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking
I feel guilty when INTPatois tells me he loves me and I don’t believe or trust it. I also feel guilty when I tell INTPatois that I love him and not feel completely certain or immensely strongly about it.
- Expectation: I will always feel it intensely.
- Realistic expectation (for others): It doesn’t lose its meaning even though I may not always feel it as intensely. We are at a stage of (more) comfort with each other now, having been together for a year. We both know that we are committed to each other for the long haul.
- Innocence: I have my insecure moments and irrational doubts sometimes.
- Strategy: Acceptance, Acknowledging the unrealistic expectations
I feel guilty about not being present and actively and intently listening all the time to INTPatois, especially when I expect that of him and other people.
- Expectation: I will always be listening intently to everything he says.
- Realistic expectation (for others): I’m going to do my best but know that I will not be fully focused all the time and that I will not be as interested in or be able to follow every topic he talks about.
- Innocence: I might be tired or just not as interested or well-versed in those topics.
- Strategy: Acceptance, Acknowledging the root cause, Being kind to myself, Accountability
This is painful and extremely difficult for me to write and even think about, but I feel immensely guilty about the lack of proper care for all the pets I had.
- Expectation: Every pet would have been perfectly taken care of by me and I would have been extremely well-educated and well-informed on how to take the very best care of every pet.
- Realistic expectation (for others): I did what I could and what I thought best with the limitations I had. I made some mistakes sometimes but it’s okay to not be perfect.
- Innocence: I was a small child when I had most of them, and my parents were just as ignorant about pet care. For the two dogs that grew with me into adulthood, I was depressed and suicidal and could barely take care of myself.
- Strategy: Acceptance, Acknowledging the root cause, Being kind to myself, Never voluntarily making the decision to care for a pet if I don’t have all the necessary information and tools and time and energy — only committing to it if I truly believe I am able to give the pet high quality care.
INTJargon 