The Type 5 values wisdom, avoids emptiness, and has an idealised self-image of being perceptive. Isolation is also used as a defence mechanism. 5s “sometimes control and dominate by becoming inaccessible, detached, overly self-sufficient, withholding, withdrawing, and miserly with their feelings.”
This “control by withdrawal” is something I’m familiar with. I’ve closed myself off from everyone. For the past year or so, apart from work, I’ve been interacting with people solely online. But now, I’ve shut myself off completely. It’s strange how it can all fade so quickly back to strangerhood. It takes so long for me to consider someone an acquaintance, yet they slip back to being strangers so quickly and interactions become awkward. It’s strange how isolated I am even though I’m physically around people and interacting with people when I’m at work. It’s different from when I was housebound for a year and I never left my home — much less my room — and barely interacted with anyone face-to-face. I feel myself slipping away. I just wish I could shrink to nothingness.
Sooner or later, work will ask for proof of my educational background. When I have to leave my job, it’d then be a complete isolation with a total lack of any socialisation. I’d have to maintain the facade that I’m still working by leaving home from time to time, and I’ll probably linger around cinemas, museums and theaters to while the time away. I don’t know how long the money in my bank account would last. It’s all I have.
During childhood, I used to be in more of a catatonic state of sadness, with bouts of crying here and there, and proneness to outbursts of anger. Now in my adulthood, it’s a weeping sort of sadness. There’s no anger and I’m weepy all the time. It’s as though I’m mourning over the loss of a loved one.
I see myself slipping down the levels of deterioration. I don’t see any viable way to escape from this. All I can do is just fall.
INTJargon 