It’s like a drug. It feels like an addiction. I can never get enough of it. I’m always craving, longing, yearning for more.
24 hours of it every day wouldn’t even be enough. I want it more intense. I want more, more, more. It’s never enough.
I’m like an addict, gobbling up the crumbs I find, the crumbs that are thrown to me, all in search of the high. I’m starving but crumbs are all I have, all I can get. I devour them as I wait agonisingly for a full meal, hoping I’d get a full meal at least once in a while but never having any. Crumbs are all I can get.
I seek the first high I felt, but it was a one-off thing, a first-time thing. It’ll never happen again.
I’ve been trying to find the strength in myself to stop this, to go cold turkey, to reduce my dependence on it. Cutting things off is what I’ve always done. I wish to be autonomous, independent, self-sufficient, and free of obligations. I don’t want to be needy and dependent.
I’m on this sinking boat alone. I don’t wish to pull anyone else down with me.
INTJargon 