The NFs (and the INTJ)

It’s perplexing how most of the INFJs and ENFPs I’ve met lack an understanding and acceptance of the many different ways people function. And yet, they remain popular, well-liked, and regarded as wise.

They live in their NF bubble and try to mould others to become more NF in their ways, like Pygmalion. When their efforts are for naught and the other person remains unreceptive to their sculpting attempts, they become passive-aggressive and make jabs behind the person’s back. Other times, they spurt lava aggressively on the other person in retaliation to attacks, real or perceived. If it gets really bad, the volcano in them erupts. I’ve not hung around long enough to experience a full-fledged eruption and I can only imagine the damage it’d cause. I still have a fondness and admiration for these two types though, at least theoretically.

As for the INFPs, it’s like walking on eggshells. They remain distant and hard to reach. I seem to offend them with my assertiveness and use of Te (extroverted thinking). And I’ve not knowingly met any ENFJs.

On a side note, I think I’ve finally met a fellow INTJ, and a female one at that! It’s kind of odd to see a mirror image of myself in someone else. She’s much more accomplished and well-adapted than I am, and significantly older, but we’ve gotten along pretty well thus far. I can see past her “cold” and logical exterior into her gooey insides easily, and perhaps she can see mine too. This is one opportunity I must seize and not let slip past.


11 thoughts on “The NFs (and the INTJ)

  1. I am a fellow, well technically a “gal” ENFP
    at times may seem shallow,but that could not be farther from the truth. I long for deep, meaningful relationships. Especially from my S.O.(significant other) to be best friends, lovers, partners in crime, to communicate like no body’s business but the one thing I crave is depth, which unfortunately being an ESTJ or because he’s a “guy” (I do not mean to offend anyone here) but communication is at the bottom of our relationship but at least we have one thing going for us. But it’s makes for kinda lonely partnership. But I aim to please and I do not expect him to make me happy but it would be nice if he were like the INFJ or INTJ and wanted more,growth in a more rewarding and funner( I love that non-word!) relationship that would so totally rock.
    I hope you find THE type that drives you wildly mad and passionately insane, in all of the most wonderful ways of course. I really appreciate the follow.
    Best always,

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It seems a common theme amongst the ENFPs to think/worry that they come across as shallow. ENFPs are deep; all the Ns are. But we can be deep and still live in a bubble. I met an ENFP recently who isn’t in a bubble and the two times that we’ve met up one-on-one so far, we spent hours talking to each other (5 and 6 hours, specifically). I love the ENFPs so!

      I hope you’ll be able to work the kinks out with your partner, that you’ll ignite the flame you once had for him, and that you’ll remember the reasons why you fell for him.

      Autumn is a lovely name, by the way!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for the very lovely comment and that you like my name also is a plus😉
        I get can make anything work, as I truly “love” everyone in the sense I see the good in people (where as my S.O. does not! Lol) I do long however, for real communication, simple adventures truly living in the moment together, and nothing is too goofy or silly or too sweet to be said or done! Nothing embarrassing or spiteful ever. I’m a dork, but now that I’m older & wiser, I am not sensitive to many hurtful things. I’m simple, as in I like sunsets, moon gazing, dancing, reading, encouraging & helping others
        But i crave depth in being with someone that wants more to everyday companionship, exploring each other and new things together. I would have to venture to say that my desires of this type of relationship I envision are mostly fantasy based. I do honestly try to keep my marriage going, being grateful for many things concerning my S.O. but it has been quite lonely over the last couple of years, even though I’m always home when he is. But I enjoy my life loving others, taking care of my family, working hard and always smiling but I think,…
        There’s so much more to me I want to share and do (that he does not) together, with,……!?!! I just stay on the bright side and not think about the future so much and just embrace my blessings & just to be super thankful for each day, that day
        Not tomorrow or yesterday

        Liked by 3 people

        1. I really understand this feeling. My wife is esfj and just not deep. We can’t get lost in conversation the way I crave. I mean she’s wonderful, but like you I feel lonely a lot of the time. I want someone to go deep with.


  2. I sincerely apologize for the ginormous comment, so what about you? Relationship wise or your dreams, no pressure. Whatever you’d like to share really, I’d love to hear!
    My #1 compatability to date or marry personality type I read, is INFJ
    How much do you know, and feel on the mbti personality tests & info? I’m kinda just exploring and it is quite exhilarating, enlightening & fun. I really would like to meet
    a guy infj and intj knowing that they are in fact an infj and an intj! But glad to have met you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I easily see the good in everyone too. That’s one thing I like about myself. But others tend to perceive me as judgemental, so perhaps some of that aspect may be at play with your husband as well.

      I understand the craving for depth, and I’m sorry you’ve been feeling this way for so long. As iNtuitives, we are future-oriented so living purely day to day can be stifling in the long run, though it can be useful for the short term to help get out of a rut. Reminding yourself of all the reasons why you fell in love with him in the first place may help put things into perspective for you.

      I am quite familiar with and well-read in the MBTI. It is pretty accurate and eye-opening. It’s one of my main interests so it’s frequently on my mind and I tend to make a lot of connections to it, and I enjoy talking about / discussing it at length. I do like the ENFP and INFJ types as well — we are a rare bunch!

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I’m an INTJ, but fell madly in love with an INFJ. I never saw the lava you speak of. She did teach me quite a lot but I think I taught her much as well. It was so interesting to be with her. Mentally we would each take small steps forward and keep waiting for the other person to step backward. Because that is how EVERY OTHER relationship happens. But it never did. We just kept slowly walking forward together. Getting closer and closer. It was the most magical relationship I’ve ever had. For once someone who understood me. Too bad I am married to someone else.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Well I’m a male INFJ and hope that’s not the same for me 🙄 I think speaking in our personalities defense that when we are less developed and more immature we kind of hold onto our initial Ni vision about someone without taking the time to check if it’s actually true… A way for an INTJ to understand this is how they might do the same but instead of it revolving around people they instead hold onto these closed off technical concepts which their intuition fools them into believing to be absolutely true but which they have never checked out the facts on… I know an INTJ female (I know right… rare) who blindly insists that the world is flat 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. “As for the INFPs, it’s like walking on eggshells. They remain distant and hard to reach. I seem to offend them with my assertiveness and use of Te (extroverted thinking).”

    I love this description. Even though I’m INFP, I test strongly in Te and have tried to become more extroverted, perhaps to my detriment. But I have another INFP friend who fits this description perfectly. OMG the frustration of trying to connect!!!! It’s so endlessly debilitating! But when you succeed…then it all seems worthwhile.

    Liked by 1 person

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