Imposter of Impostors

Is it ironic that I feel like an imposter feigning/thinking I have imposter syndrome?

My self-esteem stems from my intellect.  What am I without academic or intellectual achievements?  I have nothing substantial to prove on paper.  I have nothing to show in person.

It’s the idealistic idea of my self that I wish I could be, but can never reach.

It’s an infinite loop: I fear failure to the point of immobilisation, which results in ultimate failure, and this leads to being more catatonic from the fear of further failures, and so on.

It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.  I am a failure; I am useless; I am horrid. I am stupid. I am a fraud.  I’m digging deep down into my own grave.

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