The Heaviness of Exhaustion

Tired.  Fatigued.  Exhausted.
How many synonyms can my foggy mind list today?

Lackluster.  Worn out.  Drained.
Words that describe my day-to-day.

Lethargic.  Listless.  Weary.
Words that describe my every day.

Jadedness.  Dreariness.  Ennui.
They engulf me in every way.

A dense fog surrounds me.  Being awake saps my energy.  Sleep itself is enervating.

I’m so, so tired.  All the time.  It’s crippling and I’m unable to function.

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6 thoughts on “The Heaviness of Exhaustion

  1. I understand you. You express what we all feel now and then. You also concern me. If you are trapped in what you describe it must feel desperate.

    Here are two unasked-for thoughts from my experience.
    1. When I my give-a-shit cup is empty I try to look carefully at what I am asking of myself. Does any of it really matter? Is there something “unnecessary” that I would love to do if I spared myself the time and energy from the “shoulds” in my life?
    2. Or I learn something. Anything. A class. A book. A podcast. A poem by Rumi or Hafiz or Mary Oliver or Grace Paley. (You are a poet…you must have your favorite inspirations.)
    xxoo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There are elements of desperation, but I would say it’s more of despondency. It is a trap and a downward spiral; I’m able to easily counter others’ input using logic, even if well-intentioned, especially when I am the subject. I would have already given the topics much thought and done ample research. It’s rare to hear others tell me something I don’t already know, haven’t already thought of, or can’t easily counter.

      I have few “shoulds” in my life; I dislike being bound by obligations. “Needs” play a bigger role in my life and matter more to me. Distracting myself with “unnecessaries” is a problem I have, which leads to the next point.

      I am always learning, albeit unproductively and at a much slower pace. I enroll in academic classes, I read, and I listen to and watch educational podcasts and videos. In my eyes, a life without learning is not a life worth living. Poetry is something I don’t quite understand and haven’t learned much about yet, so I’m unable to fully appreciate it.

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts, perspective, and suggestions. I really do appreciate it. I hope I’m not coming across as though I’m shutting you down; I’m just explaining things from my perspective. Sorry to worry you; I use this space as an outlet.

      Like

  2. I’m not put off…at the end of it all, it was unasked for anyway.

    I certainly agree with you on the learning. It keeps the spark of life going in me.

    And, finally, strange you would say you don’t know poetry since I perceive your writings a poems. Can’t say I’m all that educated about poetry but I know who I like.

    Liked by 1 person

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