Privacy is something I prize highly. Deliberate intrusiveness is what I despise. It is offensive and disrespectful. Perhaps exacerbated by social anxiety, I find even minute things immensely invasive.
Windows. They allow people to peer into my personal space, to watch me in my private moments. Bare windows make me feel exposed. Open doors impinge on my privacy and safety. Walking past them is like being thrown into the spotlight center stage, naked. They don’t understand how badly it affects me. Hidden behind curtains and a locked door, I still feel unsafe and vulnerable.
They ask for my name, where I live, my personal information. These questions aren’t asked merely out of curiosity or idle chitchat. There’s something malicious about them that I can sense. There are hidden agendas, judgemental attitudes. I don’t see why I should share my personal details with them. I don’t see how they’ve earned the privilege to gain access to such information. I try to escape as quickly as I can from those conversations, and I distance myself from those people.
Perhaps it’s the people that’s the matter. If people who I’m partial to ask me such questions, I’m alright with them and perceive them to be innocent questions asked out of genuine curiosity. The anxiety is still there though as I worry about how they’ll perceive me. If it’s people whom I do not like, my guard immediately shoots up and I feel like they’re trespassing the boundaries.
They peek into my bag when I open it. They peep at my phone when I use it. The more I withdraw and pull away from them, the more they want to know and the more they invade. My annoyance spikes immediately and I get even more short with them. They do not comprehend.
Thus, I retreat.