Socialisation and Isolation

A double-edged sword — that is what socialisation is to me. I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. It feeds the cravings momentarily, but never satiates them, and does more harm than good. I see giving in to the hunger pangs as a lack of self-control, as my weakness. The cravings come and go; I relish the times when they lie dormant.

I live in isolation. Day after day, I’m in my cave, rarely venturing out. I don’t get stir-crazy; books and the Internet keep me entertained. I wish I could be content being a total recluse, but that’s not the way I’m wired. And, thus, the cycle continues.

I wonder why I still let myself communicate. It’s draining watching myself go round in loops. I should just stop talking altogether. I’d feel trapped, but I already feel trapped as it is.

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8 thoughts on “Socialisation and Isolation

  1. I’m also an INTJ, so a lot of what you say in this post resonates with me. Though I think I have the opposite problem. I often go out and find myself wishing I had stayed in. It’s because I believe myself to be in a sociable mood when I’m not. So while my friends do their best, I often struggle to maintain a conversation.

    Yet, like you, I do not wish to be a total recluse. The only way I have with combating this is to meditate, take a step back, and ask myself what I really feel like doing when I am invited to a social event. Sometimes the answer is clear. Sometimes no so much.

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    1. Just out of curiosity, have you read up the description for INFJ or the Fe function as well? Do correct me if I’m wrong — I’m only going by your posts, but my first instinct when I read your post was: “Wow, this person has good Fe.” (Again, I could be completely wrong.)

      INTJs can come across as INFJs though, as I sometimes do — consciously feigning the Fe so as to be able to function better in society (at least for me, especially as a female). In any case, I need to learn how to speak Fe better, or at the very least, learn how to communicate better like you.

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  2. Maybe the problem lies with the kind of people you’re talking to. I’m also an INTJ but I love conversations on one condition. The topic needs to be something that captures the interests of me and my friend because otherwise I would end up draining myself in a conversation that appears to be one-sided and useless (for the lack of a better term) to me.

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  3. While I have only taken the test once I’ve read around INTJ and their lines of thinking and it does seem to correspond with the way my mind works.

    I think overall it’s my extreme rationality that makes me sure. I remember forcing myself to pretend a few years back, but then I went to university and I think enhanced my ability to speak Fe. Now reading about other people’s battles on here I find it a lot easier to engage side of myself. Though to be honest I’m far better at doing it via writing as opposed to the ‘real’ world.

    I mean I could be wrong. Maybe I ought to retake that test again some time. Food for thought indeed. Thanks for your response 🙂

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  4. The answer on why socialisation is bothersome is could partly lie in the people you have to socialize with.

    My past social circle used to be filled with my conflictors (ISTJs/ESTJs) and people who attract drama (aka the look-at-me ESFPs) and I would come home everyday drained and done.

    Lately, my social circle changed to INFJs, INTJs and ISTPs and suddenly I don’t mind long conversations, going out or talking to these people online. And it’s really nice that they don’t expect me to keep in contact with them at all times (like some ENFPs friends do), just whenever something interesting comes up.

    Hope you find your comfort zone INTJ, maybe it’s just the Fe in my talking but there is something quite comforting in conversations with people who semi-get you. 🙂

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    1. Partially, yes, perhaps.

      It’s great that you have an understanding social circle you’re close to. Nice that they’re mainly introverts! You’re lucky (or perhaps unlucky? 😉 ) to have met other INTJs. I’ve not met one in person, at least not knowingly, and I often wonder what the dynamics would be like.

      Hope my posts aren’t negatively affecting you. I know INFJs absorb others’ emotions like a sponge, which is amazing, but can take a toll on you from time to time.

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      1. Understanding my group dynamics comes from observing them and analyzing instead of retreating into my mind (which I do when I find the company dull).

        The INTJs in my life were a surprise to find. They were always there but because all of us were so comfortable with the silence, we never initiated a conversation until lately. I have two INTJ friends: a male and female and their interactions are hilarious because they withdraw when the conversations get too lovey-dovey or relationship oriented (hehehe tert Fi). I like to hear them talk about politics or their favorite books because they usually have a different view from me and new perspectives are awesome.

        Oh, don’t worry about my Fe. I got that baby under wraps. I used to absorb everything, but I actively control the amount of Fe I put out into the world. Besides, your posts are great, negative or not because I feel the authenticity 🙂

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